A new perception - floating mode

22.3.13

A year ago today, my dear brother Shay had a heart transplant at the age of 41. His life was saved. He will be able to celebrate this year’s Passover with his beloved wife and 5 wonderful children. Anyone looking for God’s miracles?

Six days from the first treatment. Time seems to be crawling.

Recently my senses had changed and were transformed in a new way. Overall, I realized it’s all a matter of perception and attitude. The situation is not that bad if you look at the constant feeling of dizziness which is similar to the feeling of drunkenness or being stoned, as a positive thing. 
The new perception of floating mode still enables many activities such as going to the gym, supermarket, restaurants, and managing a routine.

True, there is a limit in range of time and action. Lots of rest is needed in between. But it is possible. If all I’m asked by my dear Eli is a smile and some joy, I am capable of it. I can feel happy and not miserable.

Last few days were difficult days of Passover preparations. To my surprise I could still take part in those preparations, including some cleaning tasks. I found myself doing all sorts of errands with my dear mother and in between sitting with her eating a tasty sandwich at La Molin bakery.

In a way, I couldn’t help being a little bit upset that my dreams to spend quality time with Mom became true under such unhappy circumstances. But then I realized this is an example how even in bad situations there are plenty of opportunities to turne in around for good. I feel truly sorry for those who can’t figure out how to see things this way.

Treatment 1

17/3/13

In the morning I suddenly realized one drug was missing. I trusted that the doctor  

had covered them all in the prescriptions, and apparently skipped the check list. This is what happens when you skip the check list.

A quick trip to the clinic, lucky phone call to my dear Lili on the way, saved me the long waiting line at the main pharmacy, when she reminded me of the small pharmacy near the clinic, and I got the missing medicine in no time.

Reception in the oncology department. My nurse - Iris, a skinny religious woman, very short hair covered with a blue tight hat that ends above her ears.

Her eyes - ocean blue . She's obviously a special woman, though I haven't figured her out yet. She welcomes us when we arrive, and breaks the news: all positions are taken .... Thank you for waiting you will be assisted shortly... I immediately sit down, put on my headphones leave the room and move to the world of trance music.... Meanwhile Eli goes to do some errands. On his way back he will bring me a delicious almond croissant and coffee that I will happily eat.

Finally, a compartment becomes available. I settle down on a comfortable leather armchair and organizing my stuff. Eli has to settle with a simple chair, but later on he will conclude that he passes the time most efficiently and that he is finally able to work without distractions. Didn’t I tell you there is going to be lot’s of good in this story?

The first minutes of the infusion give me a strange tingling not described at all in the side effects flier I was given. What's embarrassing is the itching which is particularly noticeable at the very edge of my bottom ....!

I try to share my feelings with Iris my nurse and she says “yes yes tingling, it’s natural”, I am - trying to slip clues - it itches, it’s strange, uncomfortable to sit down - and then finally says Iris - it bothers at the bottom, right? And embarrassed but relieved I answer her - Yes! I was embarrassed to say but that's exactly where it tingles! Then she says - it will soon be over. And indeed, within a few minutes it’s over and I feel relaxed.

Every time I am not speaking with my nurse, I go back to my full volume music, and text funny messages to my friends joking and telling them I’m being injected with orange juice. This really is the color of the infusion - orange juice. Time goes by pretty fast. In between, pops in my nice social worker and inquires how I’m doing. It seems like in no time, the treatment is over. I’m now feeling heaviness stoned and fatigue.

I come home and lay on the bed. “Your job now is to rest” Eli says, and I obey. I’m only sad about my little David that wants to watch a DVD in my room, and I’m forced to expel him.

Sweet Lihi is now leaving - she kept my gang and hers all together. Fed them and, I'm pretty sure she also washed the floor - when I went to the kitchen to get some water, the floor was suspiciously clean (in depth investigation of Michael turned out that it was so). I have to thank her for that too) She even did an Internet Mom experiment of which its nature was not very clear to me yet, it was  manifested with chocolate covered balloons lying in my fridge ....

I shut myself in my room. So far the feeling is reasonable. I only want to sleep .....

Dear Friends & Family

Thank you for joining me on my journey. I’m speechless and have not enough words to thank you for your wonderful support. I ask from you upfront to forgive me when not always properly appreciating words or deeds. Forgive me if I fail to be strong from time to time and not always raise my head up. The main goal - defeating the evil from body - I will achieve it one way or another. I'll do it the same way it was done by lots of women before me, with determination and persistence.

It’s been said before - the world's a stage and we are all merely players. This roll playing in real life, is directed by an invisible hand. Each one of you will interpret whose hand is it... Unfortunately, this time, I was assigned with the main role. I was put in the focus of attention and concern.

Dear friends, I’ll say it again - I hate this role. But if you look at it that way, it might be the essence of life. Each one of us is destinate to partake in all kinds of temporary roles during our life along with his main occupation. And If you think about it , What greater way is there to test individual humans in this big world than in those small and temporary parts that crosses their way. It is a great privilege for me to be surrounded by so many dear people who reached out to me so quickly and without hesitation and offered their support. Each one and the role that was summoned for him.

From my personal experience, there no greater satisfaction joy and relief than seeing a beloved cherished person fighting for his life and overcoming an illness. I promise to do my best to overcome my illness and give you all satisfaction as a reward for your concern, help and wonderful support. I ask you to please pay attention, when helping a sick person, it might always be accompanied with a feeling of guilt that we may not be doing enough or may not be doing the right thing. I urge each and every one of you to stick to your main goal in life and do only according to your ability and his nature what you do for me. I especially wish that you all take care of yourselves and maintain your personal health.

With great love and appreciation 

Ariela