Treatment #3

04/14/13

07:52

I'm negotiating with Avi that he should get out of bed. Raising the senseless argument that had he listen to me and gone to bed at 10 PM instead of 11:30 PM, his head would not be hurting now... After several tense moments, including non helpful threats to ban electronic games, I hand him a paracetamol pill, force him to take it and make him fly off to school.

08:20

A phone call from Avi, who sounds alert and full of energy, explaining to me that if I would not bring him at once, a board game and page labels which he forgot, he will not be able to attend a volunteer activity with his friends at a special children's school. Again I lose my temper, when just a few minutes earlier, I was able to eat a bowl of cereal. At least David will cooperate with me and --  get dressed quickly so we can be on time to provide Avi with his essential items for the day...

09:00

Children's school Journey dispersion ends - Little David is at kindergarten.

09:10
After such a beginning, nothing like a visit to the gym, to exhaust the rest of my renewed energy accumulated towards the end of my previous treatment. Unfortunately two good days were stolen from me due to the Passover holidays and the fact the last treatment started in the middle of the previous week. Fortunately I found a solution for training at the gym with a wig, by tying a bandana around my head, thus ensuring stability and gaining a natural sporty look. Amazing how I can fool everyone with that little fraud on my head ...

09:45
Le Moulin Bakery - better to take with me a fine sandwich, than eat the local AROMA cafe horror. I remember the good days of AROMA cafe15 years ago when it was a local empire in Jerusalem. Memories of the last sandwich Eli brought me from there at the hospital two weeks ago, were not so positive to say the least.

11:10
Tel Hashomer Hospital. Waiting for blood count results takes longer than usual, somehow time passes quickly here. Perhaps it is the music in my ears, perhaps my preoccupation with writing. No doubt that any place can be totally different than what it truly is in the eye of the beholder, with some rhythmic music in his ears. Particularly fine rhythmic music, this time - fila Brazillia, and no, nothing to do with typical Brazilian music. 
In the treatments department on one hand I'm pleasantly surprised when a station is immediately available for me, whereas very disappointed when I find out my nurse Iris is not here today : (

If there was any particular medical personnel with whom I spent more than ten minutes at a time and to which I became a little emotionally attached to, it was Iris. I notice my personal physician in the department is sitting right at the front desk, busy behind a computer. I'm standing right in front of her for a long time, but somehow it seems that she makes a special effort to avoid eye contact with the patients around her, and all my attempt to achieve eye contact with her failed miserably. I simply want to say hello... Later I will hear from Eli that she recognised him and said a very nice hello, so it looks like I was fooled by my imagination...

The nurse who previously told me to sit at one of the stations, helplessly informs me that  she doesn't know yet who will look after me today and that I should wait. I really don't like the distant feeling from the patients that prevails in the department. It's incongruous with the severity of the disease. I understand that there are a lot of patients, I understand that the nurses are busy. It still makes us - the sick people sort of helpless objects on a conveyor belt... And not that I'm spoiled. Then it hits me - this is what is called being sick in a hospital. Something I had luckily never experienced before, and even today I try not to think of myself in those terms. Thank God my visits in the hospital so far are relatively short, every two weeks for a few hours to be injected with the poison that should kill the disease. Speaking of the poison, It's also the place to mention that it does the job. The treatments are working, according to my physician and my surgeon whom we visited last weekend. The lumps had shrunk, and may even shrink more and disappear within the next treatments. Certainly encouraging news, but as my surgeon explained, it does not cancel the planned surgery and following radiations. Well, I'm sticking to the original big plan. My goal - to win at all costs.

14:50
Eli is sitting in front of me working vigorously - His last presentation created in the same environment we are sitting in today, was very successful and has contributed greatly to the hot phase it's currently facing with the investors.
I'm crying out for 'orange juice' infusion for over an hour now. My nurse Iris has taken the day off, and I am at the mercy of the other nurses who find it difficult to welcome me ... At least we found a position to sit and wait in. I'm about to fall asleep on the couch mostly due to the learning material I brought with me towards the Priority final course exam....

15:10

The nurse comes to connect me to orange juice infusion. She asks me substantive questions. She looks obviously tired from this day... in the background she is being called by her name, she is needed to finish up with more patients. My heart goes out to her. It is noted this is not simple for her. When I see Iris on my next treatment I will tell her how much I had missed her. I return to the music realms.

16:30

Leaving the treatment department  I didn't want to complain before, but I swear this time, from the beginning I felt pain from the infusion connection. While waiting for Eli who went to bring the car from the distanced parking (The sign on the local parking lot stated again: Cancer department - Full) I discover the swelling of my hand where the infusion was connected. It would not have happened with my nurse, Iris.

I'm so glad to find my dear  mother at our home again. She will be staying with me for a whole week. What -- fun. It is Independence Day tomorrow. If all goes according to the previous pattern, I will be able to go out in the evening and watch the fireworks. Do you know when I last watched a fireworks display with my mom? Seems to me that it was over 30 years ago....

Treatment #2

2/4/13

It's the third time we come to the hospital and see the sign in the parking lot: "Cancer department - full" A sign that when photographed - the word "full" is not seen in the camera no matter how we tried. Eli and I think that there is a mystical meaning behind it...

He drops me off and goes looking for parking. I go and grab a place in line for my blood count. Within twenty minutes I'm done. While waiting for tests results I make attempts to build groups on WattsApp to update my wonderful friends consisting of many people. To my horror, I realize that a WattsApp group is not something discreet but common to all members. I decided not to mix and rather, to build only groups of people who know each other.

After I've gone and made groups I realized that there are people listed on WattsApp but do not use it regularly.... Well, regular SMS does great work with copy paste.

I was circling the department loby, when suddenly I spotted a hairdresser. Yesterday I discovered my hair started falling out. I would have forfeit the new & fresh successful haircut now and postpone it for the future...  Believe me, previously I would not dare to cut my hair, above the shoulders. Now I think I would go for short hair when it grows back. 

I thought that it would have been a good idea to remove it today had I brought my wig, and to stop spreading my hair around the block, car, elevator building, and our house.... :-)

Blood tests results arrived. Moving on to the oncology treatments department to discover once again, all positions are occupied, this time due to the holiday, Monday and Tuesday patients were mixed together. I'm waiting patiently while reviling a new electronic band I had downloaded from ITunes just before we left , called - Many coloured butterflies. Most successful in my opinion. I say hello to Iris - my serious thin blue eyed nurse - Today I will learn to decipher her great personality a little more. She did not recognise me until I said my name and then said briefly - "Put your folder on the table" and continued to the next patient.

We wait and accept the over load of patients in the treatment positions. Finally Iris comes back with a rolling table and an infusion pole, placing it near the chair were I'm sitting in the hallway. Eli takes a place in front of me and immediately takes over the power plug he finds, connecting his laptop to it. Someone has to work here. For me everything is cool. I immediately dive into the world of music and text messaging. Iris arrives again. She begins to ask questions, how am I? how I felt over the previous treatment? I tell her happily I feel very good, perhaps too good, and I'm wondering if this is normal? She says it's probably normal and that's great. I tell her proudly how I even did the cleaning for Passover and she says - I would give you an exemption for that. I tell her about the feeling of pleasure and relief knowing the cleaning is finally over with. Only those how know and apply this cleaning tradition, knows what I'm talking about (Eli even once found me proof that there is such a thing - depression from cleaning for Passover, there was a different terminology I can't remember exactly), Iris understood me certainly knew what I'm talking about. 

“Off we go” says Iris when she is done with connecting my infusion. Before leaving me at the improvised position, Iris wants to thank me for being understanding and patient under the great load. She explains that not all patients understand they need to allow the nurse to devot a few minutes to talk with the patient beyond connecting them to the infusion.I thanked her much for her patience and said I hope that I will never see such an over abundance of patients ever again.

I plunge back into the music. I was so absorbed in it, that suddenly I meet Eli's severe look saying that I was just informed that there is a free post for us but I didn't hear it because of the music in my ears ....

Eli is the ideal partner for this situation. I don't want to talk at all just sit and wait for orange juice to flow into my blood... Eli on his side dives into his work and writes awesome presentations for investors. They had better be impressed! If they could only imagine the circumstances. But in this case they would be too foolish not to invest regardless of the circumstances. Eli defiantly has a great idea and a wining case! I must also praise Eli for doing all sorts of distanced errands within the hospital. Local cafeteria ran out of all the cakes and most sandwiches are gone.It's Mimuna today - the feast of eating bread, remember? People do not eat bread for a whole week. No wonder they grab everything in sight.

I must also note that Eli needs a lot of patience with me. As time passes I become more and more blurred. Later I will cause him to take two wrong directions. One will be straight into the path only for public transport on Dizengoff Street. But we do it safely without getting caught or fined.... By the way, there we went to buy the most delicious selection of tartelette at the Boutique Central. If there was anything I could put in my mouth two hours later after treatment, it was that ...

Towards the end Michi and Yossi arrive - Eli's dear parents. It is a busy day for us. Immediately after treatment and being already five minutes late, we had a private meeting with the professor. The one who informed us she was going to go on a half a year sabbatical, immediately after I was officially received to Tel Hashomer hospital! And also only after I asked BTW if I would be accompanied by her at treatments. She only then told me I had to chose a doctor from a list she gave...The great expert professor, many recommendations we had received about her through the connections we were lucky to have by Yossi and Michi. 
On our first meeting she never gave us a clue for plans of holidays of any kind, except for a conference for which she made sure we met her just before she flew out. Annoying isn't it? this is way I could not resist and I dared to raise it gently to her today, while Eli gently urged me to respect the situation.

But do not worry. The Professor assured us that everything is Under Control - of hers. If necessary or should a dilemma arise, she is to intervene and give her opinion. That was what we wanted to hear. She was also glad for me that the treatment went well and was  nice and empathetic, while complimenting me on the earrings I was wearing. When we left I told her I should hope therefore that there will be no need to see her again, and she agreed with a smile.

Grandma Coco (Colette) my dear mother had arrived at noon. When we got home the laundry was all folded, and she had only storage dilemmas to deal with. The kids had spent the morning with Karen our beloved ex nanny who worked for us a few months ago.

I went to bed after I managed to eat some sweets from Boutique central and to drink lots of green tea. I waited for the feeling of heaviness to settle. The kids knew they had to give me some space today and not to be with me in the room. Except for a few invasions of hugging and kissing they accepted the decision.

Half an hour ago Grandma Coco comes to my room, as she bent over laughing and having difficulties to speak. When she calms down she tells me how she accidentally marched on the fresh new hand color painting done by little David with Karen today, that was put out to dry on the back porch. She told me how she saw her slippers leaving footprints on the floor and how she hopes that David will not notice the new twist created on his painting. I had a good healthy laugh for quite a few minutes. I'll be fine. May it continue like this.